UNCONTROLLED SUBSTANCE

I was around six the first time I saw the New Zoo Revue and even then, I was like WTF is this?!?

It starred Doug and Emmy Jo, two relentlessly cheerful humans who woke up every morning and said, “Today I will sing and dance with a frog, an owl, and a hippo. On television, for children.”

Freddie the Frog was the fun-loving, hype man of the zoo. Always upbeat, optimistic, and one move away from accidentally trusting the wrong person, joining a pyramid scheme, or enthusiastically clapping at an inappropriate time.

Charlie the Owl was the polar opposite. A serious, know-it-all scientist inventor who lived in a tall tree with an elevator… because that’s what Owl scientist inventors do. He took great pride in explaining things, invented unnecessary contraptions, and absolutely would have corrected your grammar.

Henrietta Hippo showed up in a Southern Belle tutu with strong aunt-who-smokes energy and zero concern for subtlety. Always polite, painfully proper, and the kind of character who would apologize to you for stomping on her hefty hooves.

Then there was Mr. Dingle, the friendly elderly postman, shopkeeper, and solution to every plot problem. Need mail delivered? He’s your guy. Supplies? He’s got a shop. A loosely regulated adult presence? Also him.

And let’s not forget Mrs. Goodbody. The nosy neighbor who “just happened to stop by,” knew everyone’s business, and literally ran an advice column for The All-New Zoo Gazette. She was basically the original Facebook comments section.

No animation. Just quirky mascots, unsolicited advice, and carefree songs that sounded like they were written by the glow of a lava lamp.

Steve